Stop and stare.

Recently i fell in love with a song named Stop and stare by One republic. I drove all the way from home to Bintang plaza just to get a piece of cd for this album. hahah.." stop and stare.. i think i am moving.. but i go no where".

I guess i really moving.. and yet i am heading to no where..
I kept busy spending my whole weekend with my family.. been to many places during weekend.. back to my daily routine.. sending my bro to school.. home.. study.. wash my ride.. dinner.. and i get to bed at 10 pm. very Suprising isnt it? i even woke up by 6 am in the morning. And i made breakfast too.!!

So many changes hav being made.. everythings back to normal.
Previous month.. i slept very late.. 2am every midnite i gt to bed..
Although i had spend some great times there.. But this time is totally different.

Stop for awhile.. i was thinking for awhile.. where i am heading to??
Half of my tasks are done.. And some of the problem i am dealing with stil hanging there. Its all about time.. I admit that i am still waiting for the answer.

and yet I have no confident at all this time. I can sensed that i will meet failure again this time.

" I taked to god.. yet.. the sky is empty". Does prayer really works? do god really ever listen to our prayer?? somehow so far nothing going on.. but i will never stop praying and seek for guidance from god.

..

Life settled into a routine of attending boring classes..keeping up with my homework..And, to top it all, money was never enough. In class , things got really bad when I had run- in with a lecturer who kept picking me to answer her questions. sigh.. I was wondering what the earth is wrong with her?
I got some presentations need to be done.. 5 presentations!Recently I quit blogging because of some reasons. and i will try my best to blog when i got free time alright.. ?

Life

Recently i am reading a book named The power of a praying teen.by stormie omartian. and i found this part is quite interesting.

"i know hate is a very strong word, and we hate to use the word "hate" about anything.And we certainly hate the thought that we might actually have hate for another person.

But thats what not forgiving is.. the rooot of hate. When we entertain unforgiving thoughts , they turn to hate inside of us. And that can make us sick. It certainly makes us unattractive to others.

When we choose not to forgive, we end up walking in the dark ( John : 2:9-11) we cant see clearly and so we stumble around in confusion."


I know it is not easy to forgive someone. Especially forgiving someone who ever hurt u so deep, until it left a scars in ur heart.

But because if forgiveness.. it pays me back my true friendship between me and my good buddy.

2 years ago, me and her used to be very good friend. For some reason, she back stab me. Against me in class with the another classmate. I did say sorry to her. Begging for forgiveness. But she hates me a lot.

Somehow.. i know its a part of my fault too. I left her at a side , while busy with my other friends, yes i know it sounds childish. But thats what had happened 2 years ago.

After left the high school, i met her again. Perhaps it is an arrangement from god. She came to me, and said sorry to me. And asking me to join her for the bible study class!! then she gave me this book, "The power of a praying teen". I spend so much time reading this book.

I hugged her and comfort her to stop crying.She was begging for forgiveness. well it happened outside the toilet.! so u can imagine.. when people past by and start staring at us .. and wondering what happened to us. >.<
But i believe the power of God, touched her heart. And i believe god did listen to my prayer and answer my prayer.

I do believe the power of God can change someone. From bad to the good one. I am happy because now we remain to be good friend. And finally i understand what is the meaning of Love. Forgiveness is love. Forgiveness can bring happiness into our life. There is no point for hating people and it only can bring more burden in ourself.

Learn to forgive, and learn to receive forgiveness .

You might think i had been through a normal high school life in school. No you are wrong.


After my friend back stab me, rumors about me is spreading around in the school. She "brain wash" my classmate, and boycott them from being together with me in school. I have no friend in school. Left 2 good school mate willing to pay their trust on me. I had been through a lot in class. They gave me a nick in class. calling me "bitch" and some very awful disgusting nick. I never pay them any revenge until now. Whenever they insult or teasing or laughing at me, i keep quiet til the day i step out from the school.

So much things changed after i step out from the school. Or what i called it as " the world of sorrow". I felt so much better when i stepping out from my school. When i flash back of my high school life, It reminds me a lots of pain. Tears tat i had dropped while praying to god begging god to help me to stay away from all these pain. Too much things i have to bear in school. I came out from the school, holding my trial result, which my school principal hv gave me. 5a1 for my SPM result. Then i get enrolled with one of the local University here.

Everything dosent seems right .. all messed up. It took almost an hour travel from home to uni .Tiring.. yet kind of busy with assignments. It dosent seems to be the right choice for me to study there.

I grow up in a very small family . My mom and dad married in a very young age. Although my parent is not that kind of conservative thinking people. But they love to control for what i am doing, especially when it comes to my study.

Unlike my friend, they can choose which couse they wish to study. But mine, my dad is the one who decide for me.

I have no choice beside obey to my dad. I know dad loves a lot. and my mom too. But sometimes i feel that they are too over concern about me.

They never object me to involve myself to have a boyfriend, involve myself in a relationship in this age.,

But I know they very concern on how i am doing in my study.

I have been force to learn music in a very young age. and most of my teenage time, weekend time is usually being spend in church, and MUSIC SCHOOL.

But i learn a lot. I start to perform on stage in the age of 13. It is not easy to perform infront of 2 thausand people. bt i learn slowly.. in the age of 14, i start to join miri orchestra, and try to adapt myself to play in very large group of people, it was a very good experience. It is very hard for me to separate my time between music and my study. besides that, i also have to keep myself busy practicing for my violin exam. Although i dun like it. But i still have to.

I ever cried to my mom and beg my mom to not attend the violin exam. coz i scared violin exam the most. cause i have to sing during the oral test, and i am very bad in singing. and i will start shaking and very nervous in the exam hall. But i am happy now. coz i complete my violin lesson already hahaha.

So i move on.. and i found something i really admire in music. Er - hu. is a kind of chinese music instrument. So my mom bought me one. and eventually i manage to know how to play some old chinese song. hahaha. and again my parent send me to music school for the er-hu lesson. after few months later, i quit . and started to join the miri chinese orchestra.

Well it is a very good experience to join peimin co. I know some new friends there. and i learn more about er hu. practice in group. i having lots of fun joining the group.

But again and again..i quit.coz one of the teacher left the school already. well i can only say, he is the one who can teach me well. Other teacher are lame. lol

So i left my er hu in my room. No longer touch my er hu until now. start perform in the age 13 until 17.. very busy year for me. I ever up to doing 3 performance in a year. big headache. for music school concert once, church, and of course my own school.

I enjoy a lots in my own school orchestra. most of them are the juniors. and some of them are my church people.

After finish class. rush to the music room. and start practicing. we are all very excited about the school concert.


then weekend, busy with church violin performance rehersal. oh god ..

Finally i know.. it is not easy to be an adult!! haha . And now i believe.. few times of failure that i had ever met, tought me to be a better person.

Past failure.

Imagine that you are running in a race, and you are trying to reach the goal and win the prize. But as hard as you try you cannever get to the finish line because there is heavy weight tied around one of your legs.

You struggle..to pull it along, but it slows you down and causes you to be so exhausted that you want to give up.

It dosent occur to you that this is something you dont have to carry. Yet you cant finish the race until you become free of it.

That is carrying around bad memories of your past failure is like.

True friendship.

I am tempting so hard to getting myself expose to other people, make more friends.. so that i can overcome my fear. Because i ever being hurt deeply in my previous friendship with someone.

It happened when i was 16. She used to be very close with me in class. Very cute young lady. with a great personality. But unfortunately something bad happened. and it break our friendship.

And it makes me wonder. what is the meaning of true friendship?

Love

What we thought was love and happiness? Is now gone all that's left is to move on. Say goodbye and walk away. Take your wounded pride put it aside. The game of love you have lost. Your broken heart is the cost. Count your blessings and pray. maybe You will win at the game of love one day. Just learn when to walk away. Your strong enough to say good bye. Don't hold back it's okay to cry love hurts sometimes